I wonder what triggers it...

Dad -

WOW... another morning full of tears. I wonder what triggers it. I wonder if it is because you are near by and I can sense you more or if it is just the longer you are gone the more I miss you!!!

I was thinking about you sense of humor this morning those jokes you'd crack about the ears in the corn field etc... You were always so sure your jokes would make us laugh and they did mainly because we couldn't believe you'd tell them.

Today feels like a Daddy Hug kind of day... too bad you aren't here to give me one. I recall driving over to your house and making up an excuse (not that I needed one) so I could just feel your tight bear squeeze. What I wouldn't do to feel it one more time.

I wonder if people wonder why I am still struggling so bad with losing you... it has been almost 5 months... but you were such a part of who I am that I feel like I am mourning a loss of part of me as well.

The reunion was last weekend and it wasn't the same without you. I made jumbleberry cobbler in your memory... I wished you were there to eat it. Deven was supposed to work and when we got up there his phone didn't have reception. He helped us unpack and then was getting ready to head back to town to work. I lost it... COMPLETELY LOST IT... will I ever learn to control my emotions? I felt abandoned at the thought of him leaving and you not being there... I can't explain it really other than I just felt lost. I told Deven I didn't know if I could do it as he drove away. About an hour later he pulled back up next to the trailer. He couldn't watch me cry...

I miss you sooo much!

Love you,
Amy