My cousin's husband's father passed away two days ago. She and I have always been really close. We have camped together, vacationed together, BBQed together etc... My heart aches for his loss.
I have had my Dad on my mind almost non-stop since I can remember... even before he passed away. I constantly worried about his health and always tried to think a step ahead on what more I could do for him. Last night as I sat up watching TV, my thoughts drifted yet again to him. I recalled times when I was a child catching nightcrawlers in the backyard... reminisced of us building the camp fire together... going to Hawaii with he and my Mom... our Disneyland trips... all good memories. It is just amazing how by thinking about him I felt the hole in my heart that was left by his passing grow bigger. I literally felt the pain in my heart.
This morning when the alarm went off, I got up and went downstairs in normal routine to do my cardio and start the day. As I began my work out I felt off... I am not sure how to describe it other than I just simply didn't feel complete. I felt like part of me was in a distant place. I worked out and eventually the feeling started to fade from the forefront of my mind. By the time I went upstairs to awaken my prince charming from his slumber my thoughts had refocused to the tasks of the day ahead.
I know that life must continue, Dad would want it that way. I just wish I could feel his arms wrapped around me in a deep daddy bear hug... I am not sure if it would help sooth the soul or leave me longing to have him around more... either way I think about it often. He always hugged me so tight that there was no doubt in my mind how much he loved me.
I think a vacation is in store... both Deven and I could use a little time away. I hope the weather warms up so that we can take the trailer out and at least get away for a few days since the pocket book doesn't allow for a true vacation right now!
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