I still feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I sometimes wonder why I feel the need to complain. I honestly believe you should only complain about things if you are willing to change them... if not... then why bother. I find my self lately complaining about things that I can't or that won't be changing.
Last week we celebrated my amazing husband's birthday. It is hard to believe that we are getting to that point where we have almost been together more years then we were apart. It has been a journey watching each of us change in so many ways over the years as we have learned more about who we are as individuals and as a couple. I really wanted to do something BIG for him because he has been so AMAZING through all we have been through these past years. He never once complained that I wasn't home or that I neglected things in our household to take care of my Dad. However, my hubby had other plans... he wanted to skip over it all together. We did go to dinner just the two of us... but I just felt like I should have done more.
Over the past few months I really have a new appreciation for my father. He was always a "super hero" in my mind... but now that I have stepped up to the plate in taking care of my Mom... my eyes have opened to really how much he did for her. With my Mom's immobility... my Dad really did EVERYTHING. I am now realizing I am the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Birthday shopper... you get the point. I just need to keep that in mind so I am not scrambling at the last minute trying to help my Mom figure it all out!
Work has been a source of heartache and great feelings of inadequacy... we just began a new venture and it has been a HUGE learning curve. I feel like I am starting over in a business I felt like I was good at... I guess only time will tell if I can get past it all and work it out. If not... I may have to discover a new career to avoid a complete breakdown.
Here's to another day... I keep plugging away!
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