I received a phone call this morning from my Mom in tears. She doesn't feel well and my Dad used to take such great care of her when he was here. It is at times like these I realize that when my Dad left me "in charge" of things financially... my family assumed I'd take on the role of "Dad/Husband".
I can't fill his shoes... they are much too big! My Dad was the rock... the glue... the force that we all turned to when times were tough. I am not capable of being "him" it just isn't possible.
I get phone calls about some of the craziest things my family feels like I should take charge of... and I just want to curl up in a corner and hide.
When my Dad and I talked he asked me to promise him two things... 1. to try to keep the peace... 2. to take care of my Mom. I am not succeeding at either one... in fact I am pretty much failing in general. My head isn't in the game... it is off wondering what I should do, should know, should be... and it leaves me feeling empty and lost in a huge world around me.
Dad, what I wouldn't give for one last daddy/daughter talk, for one last hug, for one last moment. I always said this would be one of the hardest things I ever went through... but little did I know it would be this hard.
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