Seems sometimes the people you are trying to help are the ones sabotaging the "rescue" efforts. After the way things went down at Mom's birthday party... my Sister really stepped up to help me figure out how to rectify the situation.
My Sister went over to my parents house numbered all of my Mom's medications.She bought a pill box and sorted all of the medication out so that it can be done easily by my Mom or Dad weekly. Part of the issue is that my Mom's concept of time is completely backwards and I think often times she over medicates herself without realizing it because she thinks more time has passed that what actually has. It was amazing the turn around in her "behavior" once she started to take the right dose.
Of course, things aren't perfect but you can see glimpses of my Mom which I feared were long gone. We also tried to send a letter to my Mom's doctor since neither one of us could attend the appointment asking him to get permission from my Mom to discuss some of the issues we were concerned about. My Mom's hair and teeth are falling out... and she has some pretty classic signs of Toxic Chemical Poisioning... of course we aren't doctors but the symptoms surely point that direction. Unfortunately, the letter got into my parents hands and they never delivered it to the doctor. I think my Mom was too concerned about loosing her pain medications that she didn't want to risk it! SABATOGED... and FRUSTRATED... most days I wonder if it is worth the fight!
I guess we will see if this additional back procedure will help and if so hopefully the pain meds will slowly disappear!
On a happier note... Deven is back to work! :)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
A healthy dose of reality
WOW... what a crazy few weeks it's been. Life is constantly taking turns that are unexpected.
Last weekend my sibilings/spouses and I went over to my parents and did yard clean up! It was a huge task but with several of us we got the task done and I think they are grateful it is done for another year!
My Mom's health is really going downhill. We celebrated her 69th birthday on Wednesday night... I don't even know if she knew it was her birthday. She was so out of it. She was in the hospital last week for dehydration... and she is still not doing all that well. Mom kept falling asleep and couldn't read her cards so I read them to her, then asked if she wanted to open her gifts she asked me to. It was gut wrenching. I remember not more than 5 years ago when she was up and moving around and still an active participatant in all of the family gatherings. Now her body is physically there but her mind is in another place entirely!
I think I have finally convinced everyone that this MUST change if we want Mom to still be around! I hope in the next few weeks I will be able to intervene and begin working on getting her back to a coherent state.
On a happier note... Deven and I are off to camp this weekend. I think this trip will just be the two of us and Scooby which is much needed for both of us!
Humor and putting one foot in front of the other will keep me moving forward as this battle is just beginning!
Last weekend my sibilings/spouses and I went over to my parents and did yard clean up! It was a huge task but with several of us we got the task done and I think they are grateful it is done for another year!
My Mom's health is really going downhill. We celebrated her 69th birthday on Wednesday night... I don't even know if she knew it was her birthday. She was so out of it. She was in the hospital last week for dehydration... and she is still not doing all that well. Mom kept falling asleep and couldn't read her cards so I read them to her, then asked if she wanted to open her gifts she asked me to. It was gut wrenching. I remember not more than 5 years ago when she was up and moving around and still an active participatant in all of the family gatherings. Now her body is physically there but her mind is in another place entirely!
I think I have finally convinced everyone that this MUST change if we want Mom to still be around! I hope in the next few weeks I will be able to intervene and begin working on getting her back to a coherent state.
On a happier note... Deven and I are off to camp this weekend. I think this trip will just be the two of us and Scooby which is much needed for both of us!
Humor and putting one foot in front of the other will keep me moving forward as this battle is just beginning!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Reaching a breaking point...
Over the past few months I have tried to use humor to get me through the tough times.... and for the most part I must say it seems to be working! I know one thing for sure it at least makes me more pleasant to be around. As of yesterday... however, I think my humor is now being replaced with anger!
I just can't understand how children can all be raised by the same parents and turn out so entirely different... not even in the same realm! I am at a loss! Some of my sibilings continue to make the same mistakes over and over like they can't seem to realize that the outcome of their choices will always be the same! IT ANGERS ME!!!
It is also getting more and more difficult for me not force my family into talking about my Mom's dependency problems "the elephant in the room". I had a 15 minute conversation with her yesterday of which I understood 3 sentences. What a sad statement... where has my Mom gone? Is there even a glimpse of her still left? I haven't seen her truly be herself in over 2 years...
My Dad is forced to face the issues on top of the fact that he is fighting a battle for his life. I think sometimes things are easier left unsaid because of the overwhelming concept of coping with it. I know that is how I feel most days... and I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be for him.
I think my breaking point is or has been reached... and that there is a "battle" to fight to get my family back on the right track . I only hope I have the strength still left in me to fight this war!
I just can't understand how children can all be raised by the same parents and turn out so entirely different... not even in the same realm! I am at a loss! Some of my sibilings continue to make the same mistakes over and over like they can't seem to realize that the outcome of their choices will always be the same! IT ANGERS ME!!!
It is also getting more and more difficult for me not force my family into talking about my Mom's dependency problems "the elephant in the room". I had a 15 minute conversation with her yesterday of which I understood 3 sentences. What a sad statement... where has my Mom gone? Is there even a glimpse of her still left? I haven't seen her truly be herself in over 2 years...
My Dad is forced to face the issues on top of the fact that he is fighting a battle for his life. I think sometimes things are easier left unsaid because of the overwhelming concept of coping with it. I know that is how I feel most days... and I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be for him.
I think my breaking point is or has been reached... and that there is a "battle" to fight to get my family back on the right track . I only hope I have the strength still left in me to fight this war!
Monday, May 11, 2009
True courage and strength...
WOW... what an interesting week this past week has been . Dad had his third dose of Chemo. He remains positive which never ceases to amaze me. His blood count is low and so he is going in for a blood tranfusion today. He is struggling to breathe because of the lack of blood to carry oxygen... he hasn't felt really great but tries to bury that deep down.
On Saturday we had the Race for the Cure... it was truly moving to see all of the people who showed up to support the cause. In my family alone there were about 15... Laurie, Kameo, Cierra, Chloe, Mom, Dad, Echo, Austin, Rick, Lisa, Jessi, Deven, Myself, Jennie and Tom. Laurie and my Dad both had just had Chemo two days before yet neither one of them would allow us to push them along the course they walked every step of the way... a true sign of strength. My Dad was really hurting yesterday... but yet he never complains!
My work family also showed up to support the cause and me as well... I am truly lucky to work with such amazing people!
I am constantly aware of the fact that I have been so lucky to be able to surround myself with a support system who keep my spirits up and my feet moving forward.
On Saturday we had the Race for the Cure... it was truly moving to see all of the people who showed up to support the cause. In my family alone there were about 15... Laurie, Kameo, Cierra, Chloe, Mom, Dad, Echo, Austin, Rick, Lisa, Jessi, Deven, Myself, Jennie and Tom. Laurie and my Dad both had just had Chemo two days before yet neither one of them would allow us to push them along the course they walked every step of the way... a true sign of strength. My Dad was really hurting yesterday... but yet he never complains!
My work family also showed up to support the cause and me as well... I am truly lucky to work with such amazing people!
I am constantly aware of the fact that I have been so lucky to be able to surround myself with a support system who keep my spirits up and my feet moving forward.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Am I awake?
Well let's see... Deven and I have been really trying to focus on my "down" time so that I can keep up with everything that lies ahead. I must say I am so fortunate to have such an amazingly understanding husband throughout this whole ordeal! He reminds me daily how it's okay to feel how I feel and keeps perspective for the days ahead.
Chemo was rough on my Dad for the first week or so... he hurt worse than he has ever hurt. He didn't feel real great either... but he is a trooper and keeps moving forward! He is still working full-time and has amazed me with his strength! His hair fell out and now he is bald... that will definitely throw reality back into your face as now when you look at him you can tell he is sick. He has definitely not appeared sick before this... so this has been a bit hard! He looks much better with a bald head then I would have guessed!
My Dad's next chemo appointment is Thursday... so my fingers are crossed that this time will be easier not harder! GOOD LUCK DAD!
I am excited for the warm weather... we can start using the trailer and get away for short weekend trips. It will be a good "escape" and fun to spend time with my hubby and puppy without the chaos of life.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wow... so that is what they call surreal...
Today was my Dad's first chemo appointment. I had made sure to prepare him a "chemo bag" with all the essentials they mentioned that he would need during the course of his therapy!
After speaking to the doctor, catching up on the bone scan results, his MRIs, CT scans etc... the cancer is spreading in the bones but hasn't infiltrated any of his organs which is good news.
Chemo was a surreal experience... my dad in one chair hooked up to the IV and Laurie hooked up in the chair next to him. I totally felt like I was in a nightmare. Two of the people who mean so much to me in life... fighting this horrible disease! Words can't even begin to describe how helpless and angry I felt all at the same time!
"It is not length of life, but depth of life."
After speaking to the doctor, catching up on the bone scan results, his MRIs, CT scans etc... the cancer is spreading in the bones but hasn't infiltrated any of his organs which is good news.
Chemo was a surreal experience... my dad in one chair hooked up to the IV and Laurie hooked up in the chair next to him. I totally felt like I was in a nightmare. Two of the people who mean so much to me in life... fighting this horrible disease! Words can't even begin to describe how helpless and angry I felt all at the same time!
"It is not length of life, but depth of life."
Monday, March 23, 2009
Emotionally Overwhelmed???
I am unsure of exactly what is going on with me... but the last few days have been a bit emotionally overwhelming for me. The emotions aren't even necessarily sad... partially angry... tired... scared... some of it I am not even sure how to explain!
This weekend my family all got together and cleaned my parent's house in preparation for Dad's Chemo this week... it is hard to believe this Thursday is the day. I recognize this might be part of the emotional chaos inside of me... but at the same time... I think I should have much better control at this point in time.
If I could only devise a way to work through this without pushing the people I love away... without feeling mean... bitter... angry... lonely... I just am at a loss! I am sure this is just another phase in this journey... but I'd hope I would have things figured out!
"Hard things are put in our way, not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength. "
This weekend my family all got together and cleaned my parent's house in preparation for Dad's Chemo this week... it is hard to believe this Thursday is the day. I recognize this might be part of the emotional chaos inside of me... but at the same time... I think I should have much better control at this point in time.
If I could only devise a way to work through this without pushing the people I love away... without feeling mean... bitter... angry... lonely... I just am at a loss! I am sure this is just another phase in this journey... but I'd hope I would have things figured out!
"Hard things are put in our way, not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength. "
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