1 year ago this very day...

WOW... I can remember the details like it was just yesterday... right now all of us were gathered in Dad's hospital room. The room was filled way beyond "capacity" as the hospital allowed everyone to be there because they knew his time was drawing to a close. My hubby had been with me all night along with all of the family but had just ran home to let Scooby out and feed him... I called him telling him I needed him to hurry back Dad's vitals were dropping and I couldn't go through this without him! Dad rallied for a few more hours... he was a fighter to the very end.

At about 9:00 everyone was tired and hungry... it had been a long sleepless night. Most of the crowd stepped out to grab food. My sister, Mom, my brother Rick and I were alone in the room gathered around the bed. We were talking to Dad and expressing our feelings. I once again told him that if I could be only half the person he was in life I would consider my life a success. I made sure he knew I would take care of my Mom. Rick, Wendy, and Mom talked to him as well... I kept a close eye on the monitor as I could tell Dad's breathing was becoming more and more shallow... at 9:25 I looked at Dad's chest and it was no longer moving, I checked the monitors to be sure and informed everyone in the room that Dad had passed. We all lost it. Deven had just walked back into the room at the moment. I grabbed him and held him so tight as I began to sob uncontrollably. I missed my Dad already and he just took his last breath!

A year has passed and yet it seems like he left this world only moments ago!

A year ago your battle ended, you fought hard and showed such strength.
You lived your life with selflessness, you showed love at length.
Life goes on around us, everything looks the same,
But there is no answer when we call your name.
The memories of you live on; you brought happiness to our days,
Your smile, your hugs, your gentle voice, we miss you in so many ways.
Those memories are a keepsake, from which we will never part
God has you in his keeping; we have you in our heart.

As I have said in many previous blogs, I feel so fortunate to be the daugther of such an amazing man. A man who touch the life of so many, who left such a huge impact on those around him that it makes it difficult to live without him!

I love you, Dad! You are my hero... and you are missed!

Reflecting on 2010... and a few other thoughts...

As we said "good-bye" to 2010 it was bitter sweet. While the year was filled with much sorrow... it was the last year I saw my Dad alive. It was the last time I felt his arms around me... the last time I brought the new year in with him... like I said bitter sweet! In 2010, we said good-bye to a wonderful man, my hero. We spent most the year trying to make heads or tails of life and making due anyway we could. My hubby and I have grown closer as he has been my rock and support through my roller coaster. I haven't been the most fun to be around this year... I still struggle to find a way to deal with the loss.

As I said good-bye to 2009... I vowed to be a better wife, daughter, sister and friend... I am not sure I have succeed at all in any category. But I do know I feel closer to those around me who have patiently tolerated my moodiness and loved me despite my faults!

Yesterday my neice's baby boy was blessed. My Dad's best friend blessed him... as the words "I stand in proxy for this baby's great grandfather who is here in spirit" was uttered the tears began to flow. I feel so lucky that my Dad had such a great friend... a man who has been a huge part of our lives and has been there to step in at occasions when needed after my Dad left this world behind.

So here's to 2011... may I continue to grow and appreciate those around me. May I strive to appreciate each day for life is a gift and should be treated as such! (good or bad)